I wish I could refuse to help these people

Stupid: Parent comes alone to the library to do kid's homework.

Bonus stupid: Parent comes alone to the library to do kid's homework and tells the librarian, "They want him to learn to use the library."

YOU, sir, have FAILED as a parent.

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Phone number lady report: Nike headquarters

Mr. Subject report: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Mr. Subject report (overheard)

Pictures books about The Byrds, Metallica, The Doors, The Beach Boys, and/or The Beatles.

Update (also overheard): He just called for the book that the movie How to Make an American Quilt was based on. Hint: Same title.

Mr. Subject report (firsthand)

Mr. Subject: Do you have any books about... um, Oregon?
Me: Sure, are you looking for the history of Oregon, or...?
Mr. Subject: I want a mystery.
Me: A mystery set in Oregon?
Mr. Subject: Yeah.

Solution: Multnomah County Library's list of novels set in Portland

Mr. Subject report (overheard)

"Do you have any books on furniture, like couches?"

Meet Mr. Subject

I should have started writing about this guy earlier. Mr. Subject is a nice guy, but he's a little "off." Sometimes he seems really bright, sometimes... not so much. I'm not sure what's up with him.

Anyway, the reason I call him Mr. Subject is that he comes in with the most random requests. I should have started writing them down immediately, but... I didn't.

Here are some things that I remember Mr. Subject asking me for in the past:
Picture books with tall ships
Pictures of black labs
History of submarines
Fiction about submarines
Beer can collecting
Pictures of classic sports cars
Science fiction with a shipwreck, preferably with pirates

A couple of days ago, he asked for a mystery with sailboats. Later that day he called and asked for a book on tennis, but couldn't be more specific. He wanted "Players... or courts or something. I dunno." I suggested an encyclopedia of tennis, and he liked that idea.

Overheard: Today he asked Belle for a mystery set in the Caribbean, and one set in Hawaii.