How may I redirect your call?

Office phone: *bleepybleepy*

Me: Joytown Public Library this is Stray how can I help you?
Caller: Who is this?
Me: *a little louder* Stray.
Caller: Is this Earl's Body Shop?
Me: No, this is Joytown Public Library
Caller: Oh! I'm sorry.

Assassination

An attempt has been made on my life. Our administrative assistant just delivered to me a leaking canister of screen-cleaning wipes. I coughed for five minutes, but I am now fine. Please do not alert the media.

The library is not a safe place to work!

In other news, it's National Library Week. Don't forget to shower your favorite librarian with love, affection, and expensive gifts!

Things the Library Is Not

Excuse me. You. Yes, you. The library is not:

1. An office supply store
2. A daycare
3. A psychiatric hospital
4. A skating rink
5. A personal computer tutor (But would you like to sign up for the Computing for Beginners class?)
6. A resume service

Also, the restroom is just about 20 feet that way, under the BIG FRICKIN' SIGN that says RESTROOMS.